Big Girl Panties..Literally

I think some of my post can see self deprecating. I honestly hate that. Whenever I speak of my weight my words always seem to go that way.The negative way. I hate that,too.I HATE NEGATIVE! I never want my future child(ren) to grow up thinking something is wrong with them. There will be no "big leg" comments in my future. ("Big leg" is what my family always told me I had, actually I did a lot of gymnastics and that was the result-legs of steel, which in my family of ladies wasn't acceptable).

I believe it is so, so,so, SOOOOO, very important to love yourself. I am in the slow process of learning to talk better to and about myself. It's hard when you have my personality to not throw out sarcastic comments about me. I would never hurt someone elses' feelings, so why does it not bother me to hurt my own?

Also, I like to take care of others and put myself last. Always have. Yesterday after I wrote my post about PCOS, I realized something has got to give. I called my doctor and got an appointment for later today.

Basically, I want to see if I need to be back on medication. If she has any medical advice to get my life back on track. Every since my surgery, I can't get it back together. I'm EXHAUSTED to say the least. Ive made up a lot of excuses, poor food (which plays a huge part of my health), the heat, work, but even with all that taken out. I'm still not myself.  Maybe she can shoot me up with a magic potion or scare me into not eating shit. I'm not sure, but I know today I need someone to take care of me. I'm sure I will have a fasting glucose screening later this week to check my A1C and an entire panel of blood work. I say "bring it on" so it can be my gauge. 

This is a real crap time because of my life insurance debacle, but my health is more important then getting someone some $$$ (bling.bling.bling) when I kick the bucket. 

I never planned on being 30 and not even having the energy to walk around the block. So, I know I'm doing the right thing, but it's embarrassing. I shouldn't need medication or a doctor to live like other 30 year olds, but this is me taking action.So, this morning, I put on my big girl panties,the kind I can wear under a gown and no one can see anything because they come half way up my back so I can get everything I need to check out. I also put on the mental ones. That says this is what an adult would do.Keep going, my friends, keep going.